
I never knew that one could feel so passionately about thermals — until I found myself in the backseat of a friend’s car, caught in a heated discussion about how they thought people wearing thermals gave them the biggest ick. I was intrigued. The conviction in their voices, combined with the funny images of people clad in ill-fitting thermals, was oddly persuasive. For a moment I even wholeheartedly agreed with them.
Later, I brought up that same topic with my boyfriend. Unlike my friends, he didn’t really buy into the whole idea of icks. He believed that if you liked someone enough, those little quirks just became part of who they were, and sometimes, they would even turn into endearing qualities. His perspective stuck with me and somewhere between train announcements and rush-hour crowds at a metro station, I began to feel differently about icks. It struck me then, how easily we let such small things define how we feel about people.
Connection or Curation?
The concept of the “ick” is not new, but the use of this term has exploded in popularity after it went viral on Love Island. The ick refers to a trait or a behaviour that can trigger feelings of disgust or repulsion towards someone. These may range from common, understandable turn-offs, like rudeness or poor hygiene — to increasingly absurd and strangely specific behaviours, like putting socks on before trousers, or running to catch a bus. For some, these icks may simply be an entertaining topic to discuss with peers. For others, they are truly a dealbreaker in their relationships.
But this begs the question: are these just harmless jokes, or are they making us more judgmental and less open to real connection?
Despite people being seemingly more connected, the modern dating scene is arguably more complicated and confusing than ever. Ambiguity and so-called ‘situationships’ now shape many romantic experiences, and somehow, digital platforms don’t seem to serve their purposes as well as they should. In theory, social media and dating apps should make it easier for people to connect with each other. After all, human beings are merely social creatures. Amidst all the confusing conversations and mixed signals, most people are simply seeking authenticity and genuine connections. However, having the option to swipe and match with someone ‘better’ before having even met in person simply because a poorly phrased prompt, a goofy picture, or an awkward text gave someone an ick, is what makes modern relationships significantly short-lived and superficial. According to studies, only 2.5% of matches lead to meaningful, long-term relationships despite millions of users on dating apps. These days, anything can be considered an ick, even if it doesn’t make logical sense. As a result, people tend to cut things off more quickly, and fleeting exchanges hardly give anyone the chance to develop meaningful connections.
The Riskiness of Reality
The normalisation of icks gives rise to a culture where people become hyper aware of how they are perceived, and subsequently, more performative. Today’s dating landscape feels less like a place for genuine connections and more like an arena; one that’s filled with audience members who scrutinise every move. This puts pressure on people to perform perfectly, or risk getting written off at once. This cultural shift discourages authenticity. People are less likely to be true to themselves, and instead individuals are encouraged to carefully craft curated versions of themselves with the intention of conveying a perfect, ‘ick-less’ image.
More often than not, this means people reject the qualities and raw moments that usually foster meaningful connections, as a result of the normalisation of icks. While people complain about the lack of emotional depth and authenticity in their relationships, it appears detachment and aloofness are now less off-putting than earnestness. It has suddenly become a bad thing to seem passionate, or to show that you’re trying (because effort can be an ick too). Expressing vulnerability now feels embarrassing and risky, more like a liability than a strength.
It’s A Full Package
The irony is that people claim to want genuine connections, but they flinch at imperfections and awkwardness. In a culture where breathing too loud, sitting a certain way, and even a drink order can be an ick, how can anyone really be themselves? This growing normalisation of ridiculing others for their authenticity may very well undermine the very connection and honesty that people claim to crave.
Navigating the contemporary dating world can be difficult, but by obsessing over every minor flaw, people are making it harder for themselves to create genuine relationships. It’s important to remember that the best connections come with it all — the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Words by Yuxi Lim
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