Celebrating Bi Visibility Day

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To All The Boys Who Fetishised Me Before

As a bisexual woman, I’d like the men who fetishise female bisexuality to recognise some things:

To the male friends who said “that’s hot” in response to me coming out: don’t use moments of vulnerability to sexualise people. To the men who consider bisexuality a phase: the only phase I had was performing compulsory heterosexuality. Then some guys see it as an invitation to objectify women in my presence. My attraction to women is not the same as yours, and I will not be complicit in your toxic masculinity. To those who said it doesn’t count if I hook up with another woman: same-sex relations are as valid as heterosexual ones. This is to the dates who decided that asking me to detail my same-sex sexual experiences was a solid ‘getting-to-know-you’ question: my sexual past isn’t for your consumption. This is to the strangers who catcall me and my partner as we hold hands on the street. I’d like to show affection for my partner without fearing for our safety. Also, to my female friends’ boyfriends who joke about me being a third in their relationship: being bisexual doesn’t make me constantly available for sex. 

My sexuality isn’t a sexy Halloween costume that I put on for your pleasure. Nor does it make me one of the lads. It’s my truth, and though you will never experience it, please respect it.

Words by Gemma Laws

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