With 1.5 billion monthly active users, it’s hard to imagine a time before TikTok. Sure, it isn’t the only social media app of its kind. However, I believe TikTok is far more addictive than other social media platforms, especially for people struggling with their mental health. I deleted the app a month ago, and here’s why…
Let’s go back in time to March 2020. I was in my first year of university, and as the world outside our uni halls started closing down, my flatmates decided it would be a good idea for them to download TikTok to pass the time. After partaking in some ridiculous trending dances that I pray to God never resurface, I still wasn’t convinced. I was adamant it was yet another fleeting fad. But after moving home when the lockdown was officially announced, I felt so disconnected from everybody that I finally caved and downloaded it.
Initially, my For You Page was flanked with viral dancers like Addison Rae and Charli D’Amelio. The silliness of these trends presented me with a lighthearted virtual escape.
Very quickly, though, my day became punctuated by TikTok scrolling time. It was the first thing I consumed in the morning, and the last thing I did before bed. I was staying up until 3am most nights, and struggling to get up in the morning because I was sleep-deprived and also needed my morning fix.
And this is a habit I was unable to break for 5 years.
“TikTok was both the cause and the cure of my boredom.”
TikTok was both the cause and the cure of my boredom. Before downloading it I actually had an attention span. I used to revel in the pacing of a well-written book, or a whodunnit TV series that keeps you guessing over the course of a few episodes. But you know things are bad when even a one-minute video feels too long and you’re watching it at 2x speed because you need that dopamine hit now.
Or you can see that the bus is a whole 5 minutes away, and the idea of sitting alone with your thoughts is unfathomable. Instinctively you’ve whipped out your phone to numb your natural stream of consciousness — it is like the adult version of stuffing a dummy in a baby’s mouth to stop them screaming.
Truthfully, I didn’t fully accept that my addiction was bad until this past year when my mental health took a turn for the worse. I have struggled with health anxiety my entire life, and every single day I was being bombarded with at least one video convincing me that I may also have a terminal illness because I’ve been feeling more tired than usual. The problem with TikTok’s algorithm is just how personal it gets. It is literally designed for you but often feels like it is against you. The type of videos you may be shown range from any sort of mental health content, to some creators even encouraging the rise of incel culture and other dangerous worldviews.
I naively believed it was a great educational tool and that it was therefore my responsibility to prepare myself for all the things that could go wrong with my body. However, I started to realise that all it was doing was manipulating and distorting my worldview because I saw illness as omnipresent. It was TikTok that was making me ill.
That is why, one evening, I decided to be rid of it once and for all. I quit cold turkey there and then and haven’t looked back since. Surprisingly, I found it much easier than expected. My attention span is slowly building back up, and I’ve even started reading again (a habit I lost to the doom scroll). I am not focusing on my health as much because I’m simply not being reminded of it on a constant loop. Out of sight out of mind. Whilst TikTok may not be the root cause of my anxiety, it was a facilitator of it and by removing this one bad habit, I feel I have reclaimed control over my life.
For anybody considering quitting, or even just managing their scroll time better, I would suggest making a rule with yourself to not let it be the first and last way to spend your day. I found that I was most vulnerable in those moments as you aren’t even giving your brain the chance to process the day ahead, or the day you’ve just had.
So, if you’re anything like me, perhaps cold turkey is the way to do it. Although, if this feels too much for you, try avoiding it for a day and then perhaps even a week and see how you feel. Frame it in your mind as a mini experiment.
Remember, you are allowed to set your own pace. Life is not supposed to be lived at 2x speed and learning to slow down is something the digital age makes very hard. For me, deleting TikTok was an act of self-care. You are allowed to protect your own peace.
Words by Marie Goodwin
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