This is where the rest of your life begins; this is the escape from your humdrum suburban life. You didn’t want to be in the trades or just settle – you’ve broken free. But where exactly does freedom leave you? Everything that you know; the surroundings that formed you as a child, are now gone. You’ve left your friends, your family and even those arseholes from your hometown now seem like comforting figures in the rear-view mirror as you are left, stranded without a paddle, at university. As your parents speed off in their empty SUV, you timidly wave them off with a forced grin repeatedly telling yourself “this is definitely fun, I’m almost definitely enjoying this terrified feeling.”
They say that your first week at university is like losing your virginity; it only happens once and, despite the naïve awkwardness and fear of stepping into a new era, you’ll look back on it fondly as one of the defining periods in your life.
But how do you- a bright eyed dreamer, armed only with the false knowledge that US coming-of-age films have sold you (sorry to wreck the dream, but those actors were like, 30 when the film was made and this isn’t the USA – we don’t have ‘ragers’ or cheerleader girlfriends, we have white ace in two litre bottles and ‘Ring of Fire’) make the most of your first few weeks at university? “Just be yourself” your mum said. Well your Mum is a liar, she didn’t go to Uni, and if she did it was during a simpler time. A time before spillage was lickage and a ‘quiet night down the pub’ wasn’t yet a synonym for ‘I’m dull as fuck, sorry’.
Of course you should be yourself to an extent, as you are going to live with these people for the next three years, but a better, more refined you. So this is the comprehensive guide to getting your University life off to the best possible start, from somebody that has seen the good, the bad and the drugly sides of freshers’ week.