It is not passion or love, it’s control – and it’s killing women. Femicides in Italy are not just personal tragedies. They are the product of cultural conditions. The Italian National Institute of Statistics states that in Italy, a woman is killed by a partner or ex-partner roughly every three days. The trend is terrifying, becoming more predictable and less of a shock. These are not ‘crimes of passion’; they are part of a gendered, systemic pattern of violence built on a culture that celebrates jealousy, entitlement, and instructs girls that to be wanted is to be owned.
As a young girl brought up in the UK, I’m well aware of our own societal problems with violence and gender. But something about the Italian narrative regarding ‘passionate love’ as repeated across media, family conversations, and society is unsettling. It’s passionate when a man can’t stand you with another man, romantic when a man obsesses. But at what moment can we draw a line from passion to brutality? When it leads to the murder of women?
The Italian National Institute of Statistics (ISTAT), reports that, in 2023, one woman was killed by a partner or former partner every three days, which results in about 120 women per year. The consistency of these numbers is terrifying and sad, and illuminates the consistency of unhealthy cultural attitudes towards gender roles, enabling this behaviour. Boys are raised by coddling mothers in their own homes, and they are often raised in environments where rigid gender roles and cultural ideals encourage emotional dependence, discouraging accountability. Historian Silvana Patriarca has written about this dynamic in her book Italian Vices: Nation and Character from the Risorgimento to the Republic, discussing how the cultural phenomenon of the Italian mamma has contributed to emotionally dependent male identities and uneven power structures. In Italy, jealousy is historically understood not as a red flag, but as proof of love. We see men depicted as romantic heroes while facing no real consequences for their obsessions and intensities. Not all men are raised this way, but the danger is that we often don’t know which ones until it’s too late.
Meanwhile, girls are socialised to be polite and tactful. Dynamics that scholars such as Elena Gianini Belotti and Appignanesi explore in Little Girls: Social Conditioning and Its Effects on the Stereotyped Role of Women During Infancy. Their study highlights how Italian girls are taught early to accommodate male emotion rather than their own. This socialisation builds fear and ensures that saying no becomes dangerous. When these boys face rejection, their entitlement mentality turns deadly.
New crimes have shocked the country. Families of victims like Giulia Cecchettin, who was stabbed by her ex-boyfriend in Venice after the couple broke up in 2023, and Sara Campanella, who was stabbed by her stalker in 2025, have spoken out to address the issue head-on. Guilia’s family has not only mourned, but acted. Her father, Gino Cecchettin established Fondazione Giulia Cecchettin. This foundation works with schools, youth groups and policymakers to raise awareness and prevent gender-based violence. The charity Donne in Rete Contro La Violenza has also been created as a national network uniting over 80 women’s centres in Italy to provide protection, counselling and safe housing for survivors. Italy has been recognised for its lack of enforcement and protective measures towards women at risk, with increasing statistics of violence against women and dismissed attempts at reporting stalkers. Vanessa Ballan, a pregnant woman living in Treviso, Veneto region in northern Italy, made a stalking complaint in October 2023 that was labelled ‘not urgent’ by the police, only for her to be murdered weeks later by the man who was the subject of the complaint. This is how fear is created in a country that has seen the passion and romance it is famous for become an insidious threat.
Idealisation of the ‘jealous, passionate man’ allows obsession to become excusable, with women paying the ultimate price. Italian media and popular culture have played a significant role through the years, providing audiences with stories where control gets mixed up with passion. Television dramas such as Il Commissario Montalbano tend to represent women as vulnerable to male lust and control. Both critics and fans note that Montalbano rarely includes strong women in positions of authority. Female characters are often portrayed as sex symbols, victims or emotional anchors – and when they get involved, they’re portrayed as problematic. In one episode, a middle-aged sex worker is not shown as a full person, but as a symbol of moral decay. And more recently, the global popularity of Italian love stories like 365 Days glamorises dangerous male obsession.
The UK is, of course, far from innocent. From Sarah Everard to Sabina Nessa, gender-based violence exists everywhere in society. But while Italy warps obsession into poetry, the UK tends to expose it more directly. Possessiveness is more likely to be challenged and labelled as abuse, though this doesn’t mean it’s always recognised. Young people in the UK are generally exposed to different education around consent and relationships. Since 2020, the UK government has made Relationships and Sex Education compulsory in all secondary schools in England, covering key topics such as consent, healthy communication, and recognising abuse. In contrast, A 2023 article in Archives of Sexual Behaviour highlights that only 12 out of Italy’s 20 regions offer any structured sex education at all. Even then, most programmes are inconsistent, locally funded, or lack oversight. While UK students are typically taught to question controlling behaviours, many Italian students receive no such framework at all. But even in the UK, this education is increasingly undermined by the influence of figures like Andrew Tate, whose online presence glorifies violence, control and misogyny under the label of masculinity. It is not necessarily that our boys are being raised with an inherently better attitude towards women, but perhaps girls in the UK are trained to be more aware of the fact that love is not ownership.
To move forward, Italy needs to actively reframe how love, masculinity and rejection are discussed both socially and in the media. Education must challenge the notion that male control is passion, while legislation must ensure quicker intervention in domestic violence and stalking cases. The rising influence of the author Gianluca Gotto, who is known for his emotional honesty and vulnerability, has began to offer young men an alternative to hypermasculine digital idols. Meanwhile, organisations such as Non Una di Meno are expanding their educational efforts to include men in the conversation, recognising that prevention must start with reshaping stereotypes. Cultural change starts at home, but it must be supported by schools, screens and systems that take women’s safety seriously before it’s too late.
This is not about demonising Italian men, but about asking what has become normalised and who it is affecting. We need to limit ourselves from hiding behind the language, and recognise the control. Culture is not an excuse and media is not harmless. The difference in how these patterns are recognised can mean life or death, and until these behaviours are confronted, they will continue to lead to irreparable harm.
Words by Nilufar Abedipour
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